High School Graduation? Already?!

My firstborn, Fischer Thomas Mollard, was born February 18, 1995. He started Kindergarten in August 2000. I always dreamed of the day he would graduate high school, but it was SO far away back then!

He received high marks throughout his school career, made a lot of great friends, and was a member of the Rattlesnake Regiment for the last two years of high school, where he marched Trombone, played bass guitar in Winter Guard, played Trombone in the orchestra, and played electric and bass guitars in the jazz band. I have been so proud of him each and every year, and have truly enjoyed watching him perform the past two years.

Here are some pictures of the past few years. All of his younger pictures are on photo paper and I'll have to scan them into the computer and add them later.

It really seems surreal that he has graduated high school and is moving on into "adulthood." Even though he's not 18 yet, he's making plans for his future. He'll be away for the summer, helping my dad with his business, then to a cruise with his grandma (his dad's mom) in August, then who knows what the future holds!

I love you Fischer, more than you'll ever know. I'm so very proud of the young man you've become and want the best for you always.

Love,
Mom

Micah's 1st American Birthday

This day was everything I had hoped it would be. We had a really good turnout of friends and family that came to help celebrate Micah's 4th birthday... his first American birthday... his first birthday party... EVER. I know young kids don't usually remember their birthdays, but the parents do.

When I got up this morning, I was cuddling with Micah and I thought, wow, this day was such a sad day four years ago. His parents anticipated that day for 9 months, and were saddened to see something different about him. Something they couldn't accept. Something that must've turned their world completely upside down, to say goodbye and leave the baby they wanted and loved so much, just because he had an extra chromosome. And for "Alosha"... to be abandoned at birth and taken to an orphanage to be cared for for three years by strangers. By people who rotated in and out every day, and to live the monotonous life of routine that never changed each day. To never know what true love was. 

Until a year ago. When we walked in and shook his little world up. What a wonderful miracle of love. Love from a Heavenly Father who called us to "GO!" We listened and never turned back. And look at Micah now.

This amazing, sweet, loving, friendly, fun little boy!

We did a Tonka truck theme, and Barry had the great idea of making "roads" for the table cloths and putting caution tape everywhere. It turned out so cute!

Food counter

Cake table

Gift table

Micah - 4 years old

Boy. (n). 1. noise with dirt on it. HA! 

I just love his face in this one.

When the HUGE crowd starting singing "happy birthday", and he squealed and clapped with sheer excitement, I lost it. Beautiful, booming voices, and Micah just laughing and squealing hysterically. I started bawling like a baby. A year ago today we were in Ukraine waiting for our daily visits to be authorized. I was so sad that we couldn't see him on his special day. And today, we were all together as a family, with loved ones around us to bring him more love than he's ever known. And TODAY marks the first of many more special days in his life, ones filled with family, friends, fun, and laughter. A tradition is born in this little boy's life.

The day was perfect. 

Wow!

Four months since my last post? Sorry!!!

This will be a quick one with quick thoughts (HA! Quick turned into another book). I promise to update soon with lots of pictures.

We thought this year would be a quiet one since there were no big plans... you know since we bought a house and adopted Micah last year :)  While I can't really complain too much, there have been A LOT of unexpected events... big unexpected events.  This has definitely been a year of tests for our family. I'll just post the last few weeks since they are fresh in my mind. Notice the "WHAT?!" comments in each section.

Friday, May 4th, my friend Christina and I set off for a girl's weekend away at Time Out For Women. We were so very excited for the break. We had a great drive to Long Beach, enjoyed lunch at Bubba Gump's, then walked around the pier a while. We checked in the hotel, went to the first night of conference, then back to our rooms to chat the night away :)  Well, that was until I got a call around 10:00pm that Barry was in the ER. WHAT?! (Yes, let me insert here that we got a horse the week before... oh and that we hadn't started our lessons yet and didn't really know how to properly saddle him).  So you can guess what happened. The saddle slipped and Barry fell off, hurting his back. He assured me I didn't need to return, that he'd be fine. I called Fischer to confirm that all was well and he said, "NO MOM! Don't come home. You're there for a reason."  Sweet boy!

Saturday, May 5th. Christina and I headed home after conference was over and took our time getting home :) It was such a nice weekend away. Then I walked in the front door, lol.  My children had decided they were human cyclones and had completely DESTROYED the entire house. There was no floor to be seen in any room. I'm pretty sure the bathroom was flooded from Micah's enjoyment in the water more than once. Dishes... piles... oh.my.head. Can I go back to Long Beach?  Barry was hurting badly, but the ER doc only gave him a muscle relaxer and Ibuprofen for pain. He refused to do X-rays because "If you have a broken rib, there's nothing we can do about it." How about knowledge to take it easier and real pain meds? WHAT?! If I had been there...

Saturday, May 12th. The family went to Nick's (Fischer best friend) graduation party, then to a Maverick's game (local baseball team). Before the game, we went to Denny's. We walked in, took the girls to the bathroom, and as I was walking to sit at our assigned table, my phone rang. It was my brother, Adam. Now let me tell you that my brother only calls when there's big news (not that he doesn't want to, but we're all so very busy and Facebook seems to be the easiest way to keep in touch. Other than making plans for Easter the month before, I honestly think the last time he called me (without returning a call) was to tell me Amanda was pregnant with Emily (she's 3) :) So I thought, "Oh, Amanda must be pregnant again, lol..." HAHAHA, really... I answered the phone and his voice was grim, "Mom wanted me to call and tell you Dad's in the hospital. They think he had a stroke. I'm on my way there now and will call you as soon as we know what's going on."

WHAT?!!!!!!!!! I lost all feeling. My dad is a powerhouse. He's 54, in relatively decent health (aside from controllable diabetes and slightly high blood pressure). He owns his own business and is on call 24/7. Thoughts flooded my mind and worse-case-scenarios kept creeping in. MY DAD?! Not possible. So I prepared to make the 6 hour drive ASAP if needed. Adam told me not to come yet. So I tried to eat a bowl of soup and tried to keep my mind from racing. We went to the game, had some issues with the children there, left early and went home. I was stressed. Fischer was stressed. I want to leave right then! But I waited. Adam kept me informed via text, and it seems the tests were all coming back normal and with good results. I went to bed.

At 11:00pm, Adam called and updated me. His voice was still grim, which wasn't what I expected based on the texts. Even though the tests showed no bleeding in the brain, he still might've had a stroke from a blood clot. Dad was being transported to a bay area hospital with a neurologist, because stupid Emanuel in Turlock doesn't have their crap together (after 6 hours of waiting). Mom is crying and beside herself. Dad doesn't look bad, but not good either. Adam is taking Mom to see him in the morning (2 hours away). So I called my mom and left a message, then called her again at midnight. She had been alone for the first time all evening, and she had been crying hard. She was so worried. I woke Fischer up, and we drove to Turlock at 1am on Mother's Day while Barry stayed home with the Littles. We met up with Adam and my mom and we drove to Castro Valley. 9am--- got to elevator and Dad happened to be being wheeled in for his MRI. The left side of his face was droopy. Not good.

Over the next few days/week, my parents were told several different things. 1) Neurologist at hospital said it wasn't a mini-stroke, just the diabetes going out of control and causing all the problems. 2) His family doctor said it wasn't the diabetes; he was his doctor's best diabetes patient. Something attacked his nervous system and there was a list of possibilities, but nothing for sure. He was referred to a different neurologist. 3) 2nd neurologist said it was a mini-stroke from a pin-size clot and it couldn't be seen on the MRI (happens once in a while).  Why didn't the first doctor think of that? Because it doesn't happen very often and you can't see them. HMMMM.... WHAT?!!!!

So basically, Dad feels no pain, hot, or cold on the entire right side of his body (from head to toes). He can feel touch and pressure, but nothing else. The left side of his face is looking better and he can actually whistle again (try whistling with a crooked mouth). He has been working as much as he can, but tires really easily, and Adam has been helping him after his work hours. The men in my family are exhausted and they need your prayers! Fischer is getting ready to go up for a few weeks and help out where he can.

Wednesday, May 16th.  Barry's employer (USMC) informed him that his job is being moved to Albany, GA. They offered him a job transfer with a paid move. He had 7 days to decide whether or not to go. WHAT?!!!!! Please stop the insanity! We seriously considered all our options of staying or going, and in the end we decided to stay here. I'll elaborate on that another post. It's all good now, but talk about days of prayer and stress! (Side note: Barry went to the chiropractor and although his X-ray machine isn't the same as hospital's ... I guess it's not meant to check for bone breaks... he thought Barry had a cracked rib in two places. STUPID ER DOCS!) So that's why the muscle relaxers weren't working... it's a bone, not a muscle!

Wednesday, May 23rd. Micah's IEP (Individualized Education Plan). This is a process that children go through when they need special services in school or accommodations for their learning. It's done at least annually, but can be done more often at a parent or teacher request. When Micah started in the school system last Fall, we had an initial IEP in October with the school district, but it was so basic and quick. He was referred to the county program and for SLP (Speech, Language, Pathology), and he started preschool without another one. We just signed papers, added addendums for all his therapies (OT, PT, APE) --all of which were recommended by the teacher before I could ever ask (that's great!), signed more papers, etc. So I asked for a new IEP before the end of the year. Each person went through their list of data and goals for Micah and it went great! He has made HUGE strides in 6 months of school, only 3 months of those with OT, PT, and APE. The therapists were wonderful! (We had never met them!) They told us things we can do at home to help improve areas of weakness, and it was so encouraging to hear their information and enthusiasm. We also accomplished our hopes of making sure Micah could attend summer school. After having our first "real" IEP, I'm not unsure of the process anymore. It went much better than I thought it would, and I'll be even more organized next year :)

Later in the day... Barry had gone to our family doctor in the morning because his back was still killing him; he took a bunch of X-rays, and the doctor was calling back with the results. Compressed fracture of the T12 vertebrae. WHAT???!!!! Oh.my.word. He's being referred to a spinal surgeon. WHAT?! I'm flipping out! We're trying not to think the worst, but how can you not? We're going to try and just sit tight until we know more. But get this, even with Barry telling him he had a cracked rib... he only gave him Ibuprofen and a muscle relaxer. What is with these doctors?

So that's our May in a nutshell.

School (again)

I know, I know. I've been on a writing binge the past couple days. There is so much I have to write about, and I still haven't even started my Christmas day blog. I love writing; I always have and probably always will. I have never been one to be short on words, so this helps me get it all out without driving Barry or my friends totally crazy :) If you are reading this, apparently you don't mind my long posts ;)

So school...

It seems like I have been going forever. Well, really I have. College has been off and on since 1995, mostly off until 2008. My first college class as an adult was in the Summer of 2008. I have changed my plans on what degree to obtain about four times since then. After talking to my academic advisor yesterday and deciding which classes to take next, I evaluated my degree plan and realized I AM ALMOST DONE!!! That gave me a huge boost to keep going.

I love learning, but sometimes I really hate school. It takes time away from my family, and as much as I want to reach my lifelong goal, I think sometimes, "Why am I doing this? I most likely will never use it." I often want to quit just because it is such a pain sometimes. Then I remind myself that it is a privilege to be able to go at all, and it will be a huge accomplishment when I am finished. And I may have to fall back on it someday, so I'm setting myself up for success if that happens.

Since 2008, my degree plans have gone from Nursing to Psychology to CJ w/emphasis in Forensic Psychology to CJ w/emphasis in CSI, and now just Criminal Justice with no emphasis. The last one was a computer error when they revamped the degree plan online and they left off my emphasis. However, I am leaving it alone because I really don't want to take some of the classes that were required for CSI; I just hadn't changed it because there had already been too many changes.

Now I am planning out the next year. I only have 10 classes left, and I should be graduating in April 2013 if I take 1-2 classes per term like I have been. It is surreal to be saying that. I only have two major requirements left and the rest are electives. The classes are really hard sometimes, and online learning is NOT the easy way out like some people think. I've done both traditional and online, and there are times when online is much harder. Not the physical part of getting to and from school, finding parking spaces, finding child care, etc. But the learning part can be tough. There is a lot required, and because the terms are only 10 weeks we are packing a lot of material into a shorter amount of time. I don't consider it cramming, but it can put a toll on the study times and workloads for sure.

I am SO BLESSED to have a husband who supports me in school. He helps with the kids when I need to get away and lock my door. He doesn't complain and is so encouraging. And in the end, he'll be paying for it when the student loans kick in, so I better be grateful :) When I have been at my low moments and wanting to quit, he keeps me going and tells me it will all be worth it someday. And other things like, "You've come this far. Quitting now will make all that hard work worth nothing." It's true. Thank you, Barry!

Girl Scouts

When I was little (I think maybe 5), I went to some Brownie meetings with a neighbor friend; at least that's what I remember.

I spent Fischer's youth taking him to all the Boy Scout meetings I could... it was so much fun. My dad helped him make his wooden cars, he had his uniform and earned patches, all the fun stuff. I love Scouts! I was sad when he didn't want to do it anymore as he became a teenager. I laugh and say sometimes I wish I was a boy so I could do all that fun!!! The leaders get to have fun too... going on camping and hiking trips, high adventure fun, etc. But alas, I'm a girl.

...

Gracie is 6 and in Kindergarten, and she desperately needed something to do. She is so against change of any kind, is super shy in new situations, and will flat out refuse to do things even after we sign her up. Every kid is different, but she's in left field. I love my daughter immensely, but none of the other kids do anything like what she does. We tried dance. We tried soccer. We tried gymnastics. I just kind of gave up on her doing anything extra-curricular. So when she asked about Girl Scouts, I was skeptical but optimistic at the same time. "PLEASE LORD!"

Her first meeting was last night, and she shut down in typical Gracie style. The leader asked her what her name was and she put her head down and wouldn't answer any questions. Great. Just as suspected. But a funny thing happened: the leader started playing "getting to know you" games and icebreakers. She wouldn't do the pass-the-ball-and-tell-me-your-name-and-something-you're-good-at game. But when they stood up in their circle and connected hands and put a hula-hoop on their arms, then tried to move it over one person to the next without it touching the ground, she started busting a gut. OMGOSH... amazing! :) She was laughing so hard when one of the leaders got stuck and couldn't move her legs through the hula-hoop and move it over her body. (The hula hoops were kid size!) :)

She participated with excitement, but as I watched her, a lightbulb went off in my head about my sweet Gracie. Her poor face was filled with so much anxiety over who was watching her and if she did good enough. I could almost see her heart beating. And I saw the "I'm gonna run away and cry in a minute" look. I prayed, "No, please let her finish and be happy and move on." She worries what people think. She doesn't like being in the spotlight. She laughs at others' funny moments, but doesn't want anyone laughing at her. She wants to be accepted and doesn't handle rejection well, so she just refuses to do anything that might create that opportunity. Kinda like stage fright, but with everything in life. I almost sobbed. I finally get her after 6 years. She is strong-willed, and she is stubborn. But she's also afraid, to the point where it paralyzes her sometimes. Big Mommy moment.

I pretended to be busy with the other moms, and even got to be for a few minutes, so she didn't know I was watching her. She moved from beginning activities to group activities with the Daisies and she warmed right up to the girls and the leader. She loved doing the activity (making willow tree plants), and listened to the girl who was reading out of their book out loud. She was running, laughing, and playing and so very happy. When it was time to go an hour and a half later, she cried because she didn't want to go. She wanted to stay! So I reassured her we'd be back at the next meeting in two weeks, and that we'd get all her uniform gear and books before then.

On the way to the car, she told me about their "Goodnight Girl Scouts" handshake and then showed it to me and Barry when we got home. She was filled with so much excitement.

I am so glad she likes it. I am so glad she wants to go back. And I'm so glad she broke out of her shell after only about 5 minutes. That is the Gracie we all know all the time :)

My daughter is a Girl Scout! YIPPEE... now we can do fun things too... even if we're girls ;)

Walker? Jogger? Runner?

I am by no means a fast runner. I ran a 12 min mile in high school and that was pushing it. I hated running. With a passion.

After I turned 30, I got a wild hair to run a half marathon. Me. Yup, crazy. This was right after Chloe was born in 2007, and then of course we had Annie in 2009. Finally, in March 2010, I started training for my first half marathon. When I started, I was lucky to jog/walk a mile in 17-18 minutes. By July 2010, I was running up to 7 miles (non...stop!) and could run a 12 min mile again! I felt great! Only two months until my half.

Then I fell down my stairs. My wooden stairs. Go ahead and laugh, but I bruised my tailbone so badly that my chiropractor said to rest for 3-4 weeks. Do you know what that does to a trainer's schedule? That was equivalent to about 60 miles. It was catastrophic. I could have picked up and taken it slow. I could have walk/jogged my half marathon instead of running the whole thing. But you know what I did?

I gave up. I didn't go. I didn't even try. I stopped running. I stopped walking. I gained weight (a lot). I was hard on myself, down and depressed. But I had excuses! I hurt myself. I was going to be traveling for the summer. Blah, blah, blah.

In December 2011 (right before Christmas) I had had it. Forget this mess! Get up and do something about it! Quit whining!

My first walk/jog in December was 16 minutes. Yesterday, my run/super fast walk mile was 14 minutes. Already. In less than a month. That is hecka cool. Think I can cut off another 2 minutes? You betcha! And more? I'll try! Training for a half marathon again? Some day. Sore today? You know it!

Go out there and capture your dreams!!

First tooth!

I am a HORRIBLE mom, well at least a horrible blogger. I cannot believe I didn't blog this when it happened.

As most of you know, Gracie has been missing her top two front teeth since she was 2 1/2 (she ran into a door and one popped out, then the other turned black and fell out a few months later). We got used to the toothless smile over time and didn't even really notice it anymore. I often wonder what she will look like when she gets those teeth back since it's been 3 1/2 years :)

One our way back from getting Fischer in Bakersfield on December 21st, about a week after Gracie had been complaining about a loose bottom tooth, that sucker popped right out when she accidentally nudged it with her knee. We were on Hwy 58 East of Mojave, but nowhere near anything. She was bleeding and screaming in true Gracie style. Luckily a truck stop was coming up and we were able to stop and take care of the dire emergency. People were looking at me holding this almost-6-yr-old, while she was screaming uncontrollably and blood was barely seeping from her mouth, like I hit her or something. I smiled and explained she lost a tooth. Like they care. Like I'll ever see them again.

Within a few minutes, okay more like 20, and after talking to her dear Daddy, she finally calmed down. We put the tooth in the tooth fairy pillow Nana made her, and she got a WHOPPING $1!!! When did the tooth fairy give raises? I liked the 25 cent idea myself. But all the tooth fairy had was $1 apparently (so I was told).

So, she officially "LOST" her first tooth! Right before her 6th birthday. And then I remembered, she cut her first two teeth the day before her 1st birthday. That was fun too (being sarcastic if you can't tell).

6 months!

As you can see, I still have yet to post the Christmas Day blog, but I just realized I also failed to blog that Micah has been home SIX months (on January 6). I wasn't sure whether to celebrate from his adoption date (June 21) or from the day we came back to U.S. soil and into our home (July 6). And gotcha day wasn't until July 1st I think... anyway, he's been "home" with our family since July 6, 2011. Happy half-"birthday" little man! Sorry mama's so far behind.

This is it!

The moment we've been waiting for for the past 13 months... Micah's first real Christmas. With his new family. Celebrating Christ, enjoying the thrill of Santa and presents, baking cookies, decorating the tree and house, and spending time with friends and extended family. Traditions being born in his little heart; well really his great big heart! He is the most joyous three year old I've ever seen!

Last year, it had been almost two months since our committment to adopt him, and all we could think was, "I wish Micah were here already." We were sad that he had to spend another lonely Christmas and winter in an orphanage, not even knowing what real love was all about.

Last year, this is the only thing we had:


We had no idea what he looked like at that moment, 6 months after that photo was taken. We had no idea what he was like, his personality, liked, dislikes. We had no idea about his complete health history or what his needs might be when he came home. We had no idea who we'd be bringing home.

But now...


We know all about this special boy. And what joy he brings to everyone in our family. He loves to dance and sing. He loves to help around the house:


He loves to play with his siblings:


He loves eating lots of good food (this was Thanksgiving):


And sleeping in his cozy bed in his cozy room, with HIS blankets, and HIS stuffed animals:


There's not much more we could have hoped or wished for in this wonderful boy. We thank God for him every day. We are so very blessed to be his parents. We are thankful he gets to know what Christmas is all about, and a family to teach him all the wonderful things in life.

When we saw Micah's picture last November, we just prayed he would find a family. Within a matter of days, we knew we were that family. What a leap of faith! Some people thought we were crazy (and some probably still do!), but we knew God led us to him and that this was all His master plan. God loves the orphans and wants them all to know the love a family and Christ.

So, during this special Christmas that we cherish for our family, may you all be equally as blessed and remember to hug your loved ones a little tighter tonight.

And if you feel so led to take a leap of faith and become an orphan's family, please visit reecesrainbow.org and see all the beautiful children that need a home. If you can't adopt, please consider sponsoring a child and putting them on your prayer list. They all need our help, in whatever capacity we can give.

We are sponsoring and praying for "Aaron" right now, the little boy that was given to us last May in what some would call "error", but we know even that hiccup was part of God's plan to help him find a family. We are so happy for him and his new parents, David and Melissa Chellson. They will be traveling to get him very, very soon (most likely February). Even though this is his last Christmas in the orphanage, I know he will be in the same situation Micah is in right now at this time next year! With a family full of love; just what every child deserves.

Barry with "Aaron" (Misha) and Annie in Ukraine... we are so happy we get to be called the surrogate Aunt and Uncle for this sweetie :) We love the Chellson's!


Melissa (Misha's mom), Camilla (his grandma), and Ryan (his brother).

Merry Christmas Eve!
~Barry and Shelly

Looking back on 2010 and 2011

The past couple years I haven't sent out our Christmas letter, so I thought I would do it on my blog instead. That way I won't leave anyone out on the mailing list :) And this is a much much longer "letter" than I would ever send through USPS. Don't yawn too much.

Dear Family and Friends,
2010 and 2011 have proven to be two of the busiest and most exciting years yet!

Barry graduated with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Public Administration in May 2010. In October 2010, he was promoted and settled nicely in his new position for the United States Marine Corps office in Yermo, Ca. Luckily his hours didn't change and he still gets to be home with us every other Friday, in addition to every weekend and holiday.

I have kept very busy as a domestic engineer (think about it for a second). It has been such a blessing to be able to "work" at home with our children. Although I am classified as a stay-at-home mom, I spend many hours of my days in our Suburban :) I jokingly say that I work 24/7, have no days off and no breaks, and I don't even get paid for it, but I know that the blessings and rewards are there every day and will continue throughout our lives. I am enjoying it very much and know how lucky I am to have the option to be home to raise our children. I do not wish at all for the day when the kids are grown and gone. I will miss their noises, footsteps, and handprints all over everything. I will miss their giggles, hugs, and funny moments. I will even miss their fighting!

I am also still working diligently on my Bachelor of Science degree in Criminal Justice (emphasis in CSI) again after a six month break early in 2011. I am 2/3 of the way done and can't wait until I have that paper in my hands someday!

Fischer is a senior and is counting down the days until graduation. He had his first job over the summer and got his driver license! He was very busy from August to December as a leader and member of Rattlesnake Regiment, the marching band at his high school. They made it to championships again this year, and placed 7th out of the twelve best schools in Southern California! Fischer marched trombone, and also plays guitar and bass guitar in the school's jazz band. He is considering learning saxophone for the concert season. His musical talents and abilities continue to amaze me every day. He is also working very hard in his classes these days, two of which are at the AP level! He is such a wonderful, loving, and helpful young man, and we are so blessed to have him in our family.

Gracie is turning six in 16 days! She started Kindergarten this year at our local public school, but we decided to switch to homeschooling October 5th. Homeschooling was something Barry and I decided we should do earlier in the year, but I doubted my adequacy and chickened out. After visting her classroom a couple times, I quickly realized that I had covered the subjects she was learning last year in preschool, and enrolled her through a homeschool Charter school so she could learn more subjects that she didn't yet know, and for many other reasons. We make sure to keep her busy in social activities so she can keep her friendships and be involved in the community. We have met several other homeschooling families, fifteen of which we went on a field trip with in October. The great thing is that the Charter tracks her attendance and work to make sure we are covering state standards. It also pays for all her curriculum and some extra-curricular activities if she wishes. It has been an amazing and eye-opening experience; one that I cherish and love and have NO regrets over. Barry even gets to count all his teaching moments with her every day. The flexibility in our schedule is awesome, she is learning things that she wouldn't learn at school (at least in a California Kindergarten classroom), and I'm learning things right along with her (like winter holidays in other religions)! She has started reading and finds joy in all the subjects of school, especially math and art. She is eager to learn every day, and asks to "do school" on weekends and holidays. She is a true joy to our family and has the brightest eyes ever!

Chloe just turned four. I still can't believe it. She is growing up so fast and strives to do everything her big sister does. She was in gymnastics for a year but recently decided she was no longer interested. She is in preschool now at home after being in a community group for a few months. It was two hours twice a week and the times became a conflict with Micah's school schedule, so we talked to her and she was thrilled to do school at home too! She loves that she can do school everyday and not just two days a week. She is eager to learn just like Gracie. They both look forward to learning time every day. Chloe is a spitfire full of energy and a huge laugh. She brings a lot of life to our crazy family.

As most of you know, we added one more little love to our family by adoption. We found Micah through Reece's Rainbow on November 5, 2010, and he came home with me on July 6, 2011 after 8 months of my "paper pregnancy". (We went to Ukraine! It was awesome!!!) Micah has grown and thrived so much in just over five months. During one of his recent evaluations, the doctor said he is absolutely amazed how much Micah has learned to understand in just five months with our family, especially with a new language. You see, our special boy has an extra chromosome that labels him as "special needs"; however, several professionals have said they have very high hopes for his learning abilities, and that his "mild mental retardation" may not even be diagnosed as such as time goes on. I was very suprised to hear that, but nonetheless he is our new pride and joy, and brings so much happiness to our big family. His smile lights up the world and his happiness is contagious. He is finally starting to babble some understandable words, most of which nobody else would get (typical for a toddler). He is three, and his birthday falls just five months after Chloe's. He started preschool through our county's special ed program just a couple weeks ago, and is doing really well. He goes five half-days a week by bus and seems to enjoy the new routine in his day. Tonight while reading a book, he pointed at the apple when I asked, and he repeated "boy" when we pointed at the boy. I am seeing changes in him every day, and it's such a wonderful experience to have this perfect spirit in our home.

Our sweet Annie just turned two in September. As the baby of the family, she is pretty spoiled, but I just can't get enough of her snuggles, hugs, kisses, and giggles. She is a world travler, going with us to Ukraine this summer! She is talking so much, repeats EVERYTHING everyone says, and is making almost-complete sentences. Today I asked her to give me the green marker and she picked the right one! I guess having older siblings is a huge advantage to the learning experience. She continues to surprise me on a daily basis. Oh and she's now throwing tantrums. It takes everything in me not to laugh at her. Gosh I love that little girl!

All the girls love on their new brother so much, and Micah is following the pack and doing everything they do. It is unbelievable the transformation happening with all of them right before our eyes. The love they have for each other melts my heart. The inclusion, sharing, singing, teaching, etc. that they do with each other makes me so proud. And of course, they all look up to Fischer and ask about him everyday. Annie asks every morning, "Is Fischer at school?" When I answer yes, she responds sadly, "Oh." And they are so excited when he walks through the door.

After losing our first house in 2008 and renting the past three years, we were able to buy a new home this year! Well, new to us! :) We were able to find a repo in really good condition (and an unbeatable price) on 2 1/2 acres in the community of Oak Hills. We closed September 30 and moved in on October 2. It is the perfect home and location for us, and I honestly could not imagine being any happier. Our new church family has welcomed us with open arms and we are quickly making new friends. After roaming for so long, we are definitely "home" now. We will raise our kids in this home, and I vow that I will be here until I die.

Then there are the dogs...
Barry brought home Biscuit in May 2010. He was a puppy at the time and we've had a lot of interesting changes with him since then, but this Beagle is happy in our family and new home, and has been a wonderful dog for us.

November 5, 2011 our sweet Abby (our mini-schnauzer) went missing. I still get weak in the heart when I think about her. She was the best dog I've ever had, even throughout childhood. She was born four months after Chloe, and we've had her since the day she was born in our living room. The girls pray every night that she will come home soon (and I do too), but it's hard to deny that she most likely won't be coming back. I guess one of the perils of country living is that there are a lot of coyotes around here, and dogs often disappear :( Ugh :/

A few weeks ago when we were looking for Abby at all the shelters, we were at the very last one and she wasn't there either. I suddenly decided we should bring home a new dog. Biscuit was depressed... well we all were. Chloe picked out a cute Chihuahua and we brought her home. Although she attached to me and Fischer very quickly, she did NOT like Barry or anyone else that came around our house, and she snipped at the littles if they bothered her or got too close. This is very common with these dogs, and had I researched Chihuahuas before going, I never would have brought her home. It ached me to take her back to the pound, but they had an exchange policy so we could get a dog that better suited our family. I felt like crap taking her back and cried, but I new it was the best thing to do with our small kids.

We decided to look around at another shelter since the options were very slim at that one, and Annie picked a mini-poodle. "A poodle? Really Mom?" was Fischer's reaction. Yes, a poodle. I wanted the female Lab that showed signs of training and good behavior, but the rest of the family wanted a small lap dog. Insert thought: I wonder if I'll ever get a Lab? We took the poodle to the "Get Acquainted" room (yes, there is such a thing), and he seemed pretty good around everyone. Barry did the "pull" test the technician told him to do (where he yanked on his ears and tail and pretty much did what the kids would be doing later to see how he reacted). It didn't even phase him. So we left and went to lunch. I researched poodles on my Droid and learned they are the 2nd smartest breed of dog and good with kids. I tried to find a reason not to take him home (just because I wanted the Lab), but I gave in to everyone's begging.

We brought him home on Monday and named him Jack. I took him to our vet today and she said we picked a good dog. He's healthy, has good skin and coat, and has a good temperament. That helped me relax a little. I taught him "sit" in just two days. We are leash-training him since he wants to spray every corner he finds :/ Why do we get male dogs? I hate boy dogs! LOL. Really, I love Biscuit so much, and Jack will grow on me. He's a sweet dog and let me brush him tonight without too much fuss. As long as we take him out to pee on the ground and not other things, and exercise him 4-5 times a day, he's fine. We bring him out of his "space" (the laundry room) to hang out with us on the couch, and we pet him every time we come and go through the garage. So he seems happy and everyone else is happy, so I guess he's a keeper :)

I think that about covers everything. We are all happy and healthy, and wish the same to all of you. May 2012 be prosperous for everyone, and full of happiness and laughter.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Love,
The Ray Family

Precious Moments

I've been contemplating exactly how to write this post. Honestly, it's hard to be so open and raw with difficult feelings on a public blog. But I want to write how I'm feeling in case it might help other adopting families, or those who might be considering it.

It's not all roses all the time. Adjusting can be hard. For the child and for the family... in this particular case the momma.

You see, Barry attached right away. And Fischer and the girls did too. And I loved Micah right away, but attachment was harder for me. I don't know why. I can't explain any of it really other than I was struggling a bit. It wasn't like the proverbial daycare child syndrome that some describe... there just wasn't a strong connection like I thought there would be. And I was upset with myself for feeling that way, especially after working so hard to bring him home.

It might have had something to do with the fact that we had family unexpectedly move in with us soon after we got home, so I didn't really have time to adjust. If we had just brought home a newborn, we might have even told the family NO! And they stayed with us for three months when we thought they were only staying two weeks. This post is not about that... it all worked out fine and we're back to normal. But I'm sure that change so soon after bringing Micah home had a lot to do with my emotions and settling or attaching with Micah.

Another factor I considered is that a lot of changes occurred soon after we brought him home: we were house searching, the kids were starting school, then we moved, then I decided to homeschool Gracie like I had wanted to all along, then I started back to school. WOW!

Maybe my lack of ability to attach had to do with all my stressors in life. (All good, but still stressors nonetheless).

Then I had some other ideas the past few weeks that started to click for me. I was considering that it was because he was three and not a baby. I missed so much of his life that I wasn't able to have those precious moments with him.

If you have ever adopted, or maybe it's just with an older child, you might know what I'm talking about. We never bonded! I mean we bonded in some ways, but not quite the same mother-child bonding that occurs with a newborn. I honestly don't think it had anything to do with the fact that he wasn't my birth child... just that we didn't get to bond from early in his life.

I will guiltily (is that even a word?) say that when Micah started preschool this week, I was secretly relieved that I would get a small break each day. Go ahead and judge me, but be honest with yourself that you've had those same feelings with all your kids after a long summer home with them and they suddenly go back to school. SIGH of relief right? It was like that. I wasn't glad he was gone, but glad that I could just relax a bit and not constantly be wondering where he was in the house and what he was getting into at any particular moment. I was able to get things done.

INSERT: Oh did I leave out the fact that this sweet boy is the most active child I've ever known in my life? He never stops until he's sleeping! And he's happy all the time, but extremely active and can be quite vocal as well.

Anyway... back to my point. Where was I? Oh yeah, I was feeling somewhat relieved for my small break each day. Then when he would get home, I was so excited to see him! I had missed him! I was so happy to have those feelings. You see, in four and a half months, he hadn't left my side except for some date nights and the weekend I went to Arizona, but that was a break from all the kids. But Micah had never left ME. See the difference?

Okay, so go to yesterday. He was in the middle of a nap when he suddenly woke up screaming. I ran to his room and discovered a nasty surprise. So I got him up and changed his diaper, all the while he was peacefully sleeping! After changing him, I scooped him up and held him. He stayed asleep. He molded into my arms. We were actually cuddling (unbeknownst to him). I held him so tightly and rocked him. I looked at his sweet face and started crying. I saw him as an infant. A baby. I was bonding with him! Oh sweet Jesus, thank you!

And now I am crying again. I love that little boy so much. I know that he was born into this world and meant for our family even though he was born into another. There is no doubt about that.

Then he woke up and it was like a light switch... instantly ready to go. But he hestitated and wanted to be with me. He was jealous that Annie wanted to sit in my lap and whined at her. When I moved her and took him in my lap, he would giggle. We sang songs, wrestled a bit, I gave him great big hugs & kisses, and put my cheek to his, and he let me! We put on Christmas music and danced and sang some more. It was like I imagined life to be with him.

And I may be imagining things, but he was trying so hard to talk to me, communicate with me, using babbles to try to get words out, making eye contact, smiling, and laughing. Most of that is normal, but it was like he was trying harder. Most likely it was the other way around.

I had some precious moments with him I so desperately needed. I am so grateful.

Like my mother-in-law said yesterday, "God was smiling down upon you the day you found his picture." She is SO right! God destined him to be with us, and us with him. We are all so blessed.

Wrapped in the arms of His love

We're settling nicely into our new home and community. It has really been a blessing to be in this new place with space around us; we absolutely love it!  Almost every time we have moved, we have changed wards in our church, and this time was no exception. I was nervous because I only knew one person a little bit and we were also changing stakes, so it was likely I wouldn't see many people I knew at bigger functions either. But, we jumped right in, and I realized I actually knew three people! :)  I have never moved right into a ward and felt at home, NEVER. When I was baptized, I felt at home and loved that ward, but since I left Turlock, it has always taken a while to find our place and get to know people (at least a year). So I thought this would be the same.

Well, I was wrong. We feel right at home, have made some amazing friends, and have already been asked and participated in the taping of our Christmas play. I cannot begin to tell you how comfortable I feel as we continue on this new journey of being homeowners again, in a new community, and in a new ward. I feel so much peace and happiness it's like I'm finally "home" after all these years of leaving my hometown.

There has been so many changes over the past six years... babies, miscarriages, moves, job changes and losses, traveling to a new country, and adopting.  Just now, at the end of 2011 do I finally feel settled. It's a great feeling. I really hope this feeling lasts for a while :)

During this time of year, I think more about everything I have so much to be grateful for.  I'm surrounded by so much beauty, and my wonderful children and husband, and there is nothing we need or want. I really miss my family in the Turlock area, but I know we will be here for a very long time.  At one time I had hoped to leave California all together, or possibly move closer to my family, but now I know that I am right where I'm supposed to be. And I'm so very happy.

I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows our needs, and grants our desires from time to time :) I love being wrapped in His arms when I need it the most, and comforted when I feel unsure about things. It is so wonderful to be a daughter of God!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I hope this year has treated you as well as it has our family. Love and blessings!

Four months!

November 5, 2010 forever changed our hearts when we committed to adopting Micah, and July 6, 2011 forever changed our lives, as he was finally home with us! We could never have imagined what this little guy would really be like, but he has captured all of our hearts forever.

It's hard to believe that I de-boarded a 15 hour flight (17 hour total trip time) with Micah exactly four months ago today. We exited that last plane in Las Vegas, NV to our waiting family. I hadn't seen them in about two weeks, and it was very emotional to reunite with all of them. It was Fischer's, Gracie's, and Chloe's first time meeting Micah face-to-face. They had American flags waving and signs welcoming him home. We had just missed Independence Day two days prior, so it was our time to celebrate!

HOME. That is a word we use casually every day. To Micah, the only home he ever knew was the orphanage for the first three years of his life. He had never even been in a car (that he remembered). He had the same schedule every day, day in and day out. The same four walls of his "room" shared with over ten other children. Rotating nannies on rotating shifts. The music room each day. And the hut outside and surrounding walkways. But oh how he would run to those locked gates and shake them, as he would watch the cars go by.  I wondered what he was thinking. And I promised to let him out of those gates one day. May 27-July 1 we spent in Micah's original home.



May 27, 2011. Berizka Orphanage. Kyiv, Ukraine.

Now he's in our home. Forever! He has his own private room, adjacent to his sisters'. He has his own mommy and daddy for the first time in his life. He gets to ride in the car almost every day. He gets to feed himself and drink out of his own cup instead of being fed out of a community bowl and cup. He knows how to use a fork, spoon, and cup! He knows where his chair is at the table, and understands almost all the repeated daily commands. He uses some sign language, and he makes a lot of noise, especially when he's singing :) But he still does not use English words regularly. He tries, but they just don't come out clearly. We are almost at the point where he can go to the County Preschool and get speech therapy. Just a few more weeks is what we are told.


October 29, 2011. Wrightwood, CA
Yellow Canary Photography.

But having trouble communicating he does not have! :)  We know his sounds and body language. We know his routine, and vice versa. He is a joy! He loves hugs and kisses. He loves running, tagging, or tackling. He loves hide and seek and peek-a-boo. He is so much FUN. Laughing and giggling all day long.  He loves his sisters and brother, and even the dogs! He has so much energy it's unbelievable. And dare I not take my eyes off him or he'll be halfway to Timbuktu! :) He is learning safe boundaries and knows to hold my hand after getting out of the car now wherever we are. He listens when I say (or frantically yell), "STOP!" And the 2 1/2 acres we have for him to spread out and run is a gift from God.  He sleeps well at night (well we all do)!

Does he understand English? YES!!!! He understands almost everything we say now. And don't let him fool you when he stares blankly at you after you tell him something he does not want to hear! He'll have you thinking he doesn't understand, but after the fifth day in a row of far-away eyes when you tell him to get out of the bathtub (which is his favorite pasttime now), you get the drift that he's playing you ;) He's a smart cookie. Unbelievably smart. And he has come so far in such a short amount of time. He loves on his siblings and interacts well with them every day, and he knows them by name. "Give Chloe a kiss..." and he'll go to her. "Where's Fischer?" and he points. Annie still thinks she's his favorite though ;) Once he starts speaking, it will be all over!

Attachment issues? You know, honestly, we never even gave this a second thought. We heard a lot about attachment disorders and issues in kids who were orphans. We were warned about doing things a certain way. But in our big family, we have activities every day where we have to go, go, go. We never had down time to just relax and adjust. But our bonding happened nonetheless. He knows we are his mama and daddy, and he looks for us. He follows us everywhere at home. He knows his sisters and brother. And he has even bonded with his uncle who has lived with us for the past few months. He will go to people and give them hugs, but there are times when he only wants us. And his familiarity with us is obvious. He prefers us, he smiles bigger with us, etc. We just didn't really give the attachment issue any power over how we do things in our family, because it would have consumed us. We treated him like all our other kids right off the bat, and he has adjusted like he's been with us since the beginning.  It's not to say he doesn't have meltdowns when the day has been too long, but what three year old doesn't?  There are days he'll just sit and cry and we don't know why, but he lets us console him. And he looks for us to do that! If he falls, he comes looking for me or Barry right away and stops crying instantly when we pick him up. He is so very comfortable in his life with us. Maybe we are one of the lucky ones, but I still say that he was predestined to be in our family, and I think even he knew it, as we had asked and prayed for.  Call me crazy, but I believe our great big God can do anything, even over continents. And I also think He has power over the families who adopt to choose the child(ren) that were meant for them and their situations!

Micah. October 29, 2011.
Yellow Canary Photography.

A couple weeks ago, I was so blessed to get a baby picture of Micah from my friend, Sherry White, who was with me at end of my stay in Ukraine. It made me smile, and it made me sad. I was sad because I don't have pictures of him like I do my other kids. There are three years of his life that are just missing. We don't have the pictures, we don't have the background, and we don't have the memories, bonding, or time! It has made me think a lot of his past. When I go to cuddle with him and he doesn't know how to form into my body and just is kind of stiff in the hold, it saddens me. It saddens me that I didn't get to rock him like my babies. He loves it when I hold him and rock him, but he just doesn't mold into me like my original four did and still do. I wonder if that will ever change. I hope so. He's a very affectionate little boy, full of life and wonder. He loves to be loved on each day. And he gets plenty of it!

We are so lucky and blessed. I know some say he is the lucky one, but I think it is us who is far more fortunate to be gifted by one of God's chosen sons. A son of God. Little Micah. What a miracle to go through this journey with and for him. Who would have thought we would travel across the world one day to adopt a little boy? But we did! And here we all are now: HOME! :)

Unbelievable! :) Gives me chills to look back at just six months ago in his country. We loved it there, and while it was hard in the moment, we miss it so much. It is great to watch the new families going to get their babies after us. We pray for them all. For safe journeys, for successful court dates, for bonding with their babies, for protection and love from our Savior in heaven, and for going HOME as a family :)

Micah's 1st Halloween...

... and the first Annie got to enjoy learning about collecting candy! :)  Tonight was our ward Halloween party and trunk-or-treat, and all the littles were Superman and Supergirl.  Micah had a ball.  All the girls did too, but as usual, Gracie was camera-shy. She did enjoy getting her costume on though ;)



I love this picture of Chloe!

 



Me and my little superhero ;)



Surrounded by superheros :) I love my girls!

Look at my digs, Daddy!

Checking out the loot.



1st candy of Halloween 2011



Moving on...

Moving on... from moving.  The past week we have been moving, and moving, and moving. When Barry's brother said he had access to a 20 ft trailer for the week and lots of friends to help us move, we jumped on it. Probably a little too soon. We weren't ready a week early; we weren't packed hardly at all. We made at least five trips over the whole week, packing and moving.  We have been so grateful for Joey and his friends helping us, and are so glad we don't have to make any more trips! Barry and I went up and cleaned the house today, and turned in a key to the realtor so he can start showing it to potential renters.

Moving on... into home ownership. We've been in our new house for a week! We love it.  All the big stuff got moved in last Sunday, which was the first night we slept here.  The week has been busy with contractors in and out (first the plumber to unclog the kitchen sink, then Direct TV, Wisprenn (internet), Proflame (propane), and an alarm company). The kids have spent a lot of time outside running, riding bikes and scooters, and running some more.  The only thing running more is the dogs who are thoroughly enjoying their space here as well.  There is so much space on 2 1/2 acres.  I don't know why we didn't do this sooner :) Being in a one-story house again is such a blessing.  We are all on one level and no longer have to do the "stomp-method" for getting the attention of those in the basement :) I do have to say we will greatly miss the mountains though.  It's good we are only 20 minutes away so we can go up and visit often.

Moving on... to homeschooling. Anyone who knows us or who has read our blog for a while knows we've been debating the public school vs. homeschool issue for our kindergartener. At one point, we were completely set on homeschooling without reservation.  Then I started doubting myself and abilities, time constraints, organization skills, etc., especially so soon after bringing Micah home. In July, I thought there was no way I could juggle it all, so I enrolled her in public school. Her teacher was great. She adjusted quickly, and was making friends.  Overall, it was a good situation.  However, after volunteering a couple times (both Barry and I), we were reminded of some of the reasons why we had decided to homeschool. We talked, we prayed, and we researched. Then we met with a local Charter homeschool, and decided to go with it. It's been a couple weeks, and I love the freedom and flexibilities homeschooling provides, and the opportunity I have to teach my child all she learns, being there for all the milestones and moments of realization. I know there are many critics of homeschooling, but after researching the facts and praying, this is the best thing we could ever do.  And when it's all said and done, all of our reasons are simply that. Our reasons. They are probably similar to the reasons other people have for homeschooling.  But in my heart of hearts, I know that homeschooling is the best thing for our family.

I won't be the perfect teacher; I will make mistakes; I won't be a pro on everything I teach her, but really who will?  In our declining educational system, I can't do any worse than what she'll get in a classroom (absolutely no offense to the teachers). Teachers are required to teach what will be covered on mandatory state testing. The budget cuts have drastically affected every classroom. The time and funds aren't there to allow them to be as creative as they used to be.  The California students I know who have moved out of state recently are scoring far below what they should be in comparison to other states' schools, even when they were acing subjects here! The time we will save by teaching one-on-one allows us the flexibility to teach everywhere: the store, bank, library, museum, park, home, car, etc. Life is our classroom! Yes, we will be teaching the same subjects, but there will be a budget provided by the Charter school for art, music, and other fun activities... she will get to do more in the homeschool setting than the public school system for sure. And socialization is not an issue with all these activities, plus church!

Of course, Fischer will finish his senior year in public school, and it has been the best thing for him. I have no regrets putting him through public school, and am so happy that he has done so well. Micah will also begin his school career in public education, getting the therapies and help he needs. As he gets older and progresses, that may change in the future, but for now we are confident with the services public school can provide for his needs (although we know they have to be provided whether in public school or not). 

I am so blessed to be surrounded by a large group of homeschooling moms, including those new to the ropes, those who have done it, and those who have been homeschooled themselves. In addition, the support I will get from the Charter school will keep us on track for what we should be learning/teaching.  So, while I do support our local public schools, especially those in our school district... and while I know there are advocates for public school and homeschool... it really comes down to what we think is best for our kids.  Nobody knows them and their needs better than we do.  There are always opinions and advice for everything, even how to lie them down at night when they're babies... but in the end it is our decision and our responsibility to choose what's best for our kids.

Moving on... in our life with Micah. This boy is amazing. He is so sweet and has the greatest personality ever.  He's been home three months already! All the kids have adjusted wonderfully. Things have settled down into somewhat of a routine, and will continue to get easier and more refined as time goes on.

Moving on... from an extended family. Barry's brother and his boys will be going back to Texas soon (as long as the judge is in a good mood next week), and our house will look somewhat "normal" again as we shrink from 10 to 7 again.  We will miss them a lot, but it will be good for all of us to get back to our families as they should be. Pray for a good outcome on the 21st!

Moving on.  Isn't life continously in motion?  We are all moving forward from one thing to another.  I pray as we all endure changes, ups, and downs that we will all be mindful of our many blessings, and remember to thank the One who is always there for us.

~Shelly