You're doing WHAT?!

So this is how it went in chronological order:

(I have tried to write this post four times over the last month, but things keep changing, and I just wasn't finding the words, so here goes. Also, for those who don't know us, #1 and #2 don't live in our home).

In Winter of 2011, I felt called to research homeschooling. Yes, I said homeschooling. It's not really that uncommon these days, or apparently in these parts (insert smile). I have a wonderful friend from childhood who home schooled her eldest three children starting in Kindergarten, and we have had countless conversations about the subject over the years (her oldest is 12).  At the time of my promptings, I was living in a community where there are several homeschooling families (we later went on a field trip where there were 14 home schoolers with 2-4 children each!) So I didn't feel it was a completely crazy idea and decided to research it.

When I first mentioned it to my dear husband, he was very against it, spent a lot of time in prayer and research with me, and after multiple promptings that it was right, he lovingly decided to let me try it (why not?!). #3 was going into Kindergarten, which isn't required in California. By Spring, I just "knew" that I was supposed to homeschool our children. The major concern was that we were bringing M home that summer, and we had no idea how things were going to go once he got home. So I registered G with the local school before our trip to Ukraine "just in case", while she sat on a waiting list for a charter homeschool. When we got back from Ukraine, I panicked and put her in the public school because I knew there was no way I could manage homeschooling with a newly adopted preschooler - who we originally thought was 2 - in our home, and who didn't know us or our language.

A month into public school, and after volunteering and having Barry volunteer just to make sure I wasn't overreacting, I had that a-ha moment that hit me upside the head. What was I doing?! I KNEW I was supposed to homeschool. Did I think the Lord was going to abandon me now? I had to have faith and just do it. Let me insert here that people homeschool for many different reasons. My purpose of this post isn't to share our 'why's,' but rather the whole process of how we got to where we are now.

So we pulled G out of school and started homeschooling in October 2011. It went great the first few months. We made it to February before extenuating circumstances distracted me from my confidence. Instead of letting it ride out a bit, I reacted to a bad day and gave her her wish to go back to school the very next day. I don't consider it a mistake at all, just a bit hasty and something to reflect upon. She finished Kindergarten with flying colors, we had a great summer, and she started first grade in the public school this year with literally the BEST teacher on the planet (well one of them anyway). That was until two weeks ago, but I'll save that story for a bit later.

First day of 1st grade

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Now let's talk about #4. She's a December baby with a good amount of school readiness. She finished a full year of preschool, with home preschool before that, and she was ready for "real" school this year. I tried and tried tirelessly to find a school option where she could start Kindergarten early. It wasn't going to happen in any of our local school districts, so we ended up placing her in two different Pre-K programs to fill up a four-day week. I was driving 30 miles twice a week and 14 miles the other two, just for one child. This, with two others in school, created days where I was in my car up to 6 times a day just getting the children to and from school. Our youngest would spend almost all day in the car with me, then I'd be so exhausted by the end of the day that there wasn't really any fun time for us (the maximum break we had all day was 90 minutes). And it was time to start dinner after #3 got home and finished her homework. Two months into this nonsense, I had another a-ha moment. I use the word nonsense because we had options I wasn't realizing. Why not homeschool her?! I couldn't enroll her in a public school, and I couldn't afford to put her in private school, but I could homeschool her independently! OHHHHHH YEAH! (insert laugh).

So we withdrew her from one of the preschools, and chose to leave her in the other one for its reputation of a God-centered curriculum and G's experience with it two years ago (it's a GREAT program). We simultaneously began her Kindergarten school year on September 17, 2012. We are registered independently with the state and are using a curriculum called My Father's World. Side note: It was cheaper than our school district's annual bus passes! - Yes, our school district charges for public school bussing. C loves to learn, and she LOVES to hear stories. At four years old, she is asking me to teach her how to read.

First day of Kindergarten

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Of course, the littlest Little (#6) had to start preschool alongside her big sister. She was so excited to work in her new workbook! She does her own tasks and loves all the stories just as much. She even knew how to find "same" shapes a couple weeks ago, which was so cool to see at barely three years old, at least for me. It's always amazing to see what young children can grasp. A is counting up to 15 and starting to recognize numbers 1-5, and she was able to match the letters "E" and "F" early this week on our alphabet strip. I think the exposure to her sisters' reading is going to help her tremendously.

First day of preschool

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Starting homeschooling in our house doesn't go without lots of prayer and reading on my part. I love reading homeschooling support books, because they give you lots of ideas. However in doing so, I quickly started second-guessing my hasty decision to return G to public school last year. Again, she has had one of the best teachers ever this year, but I couldn't ignore the nagging feeling of what I know I feel called to do for my kids. 

Homeschooling is not for everyone, and again the reasons are so vast that I cannot list them all here, but for our family, it is our road for education. We debated for a couple weeks, not "if" to bring her home, but "when." Should we wait until the semester ends? End of the year? Or just do it now? We talked to G about our ideas to homeschool for 2nd grade since she loves her teacher so much. But after several days of discussion in the house, she said she was ready to come home. We waited a few more days, and then we let her help us choose a last day of public school. It's gone so well; I really couldn't be happier. She has said more than once, "I love school here!", and when we're done with our lessons for the day asks, "Are my friends still at school?", which answer is always yes! We are going to library reading groups, park days with a homeschool group, soccer practices, and Girl Scouts. The children are all very busy, but school at home has been a lot of fun for everyone. And we're saving gas money and time in Mom's Taxi, which leaves more options for fun and bonding time! 

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That leaves us to discuss #5. Up until now, I have repeated numerous times that public school has been the best option for M. He is getting all the services he would not be getting from me (Speech, OT, PT, and APE), he loves the bus, his routine, and his teacher and aides. There is also very close to a 1:1 ratio with 4 staff in his class and only 4-6 students.

1st day of preschool - year 2
with his teacher and favorite paraprofessional

So why did I start feeling last night that I should bring him home too? It's just like with G; there was nothing wrong at all with either of their situations at school. I had kept telling myself that I wasn't equipped to teach to M's special needs or to give him all the therapies he's receiving at school. It was the easy and acceptable answer. People can easily understand those reasons. Then I read a chapter on homeschooling children with special needs. Hmm. Could I really do that? I already bought the speech book that his therapist was using last year, and she taught us how to use it at home. He's only seeing OT, PT, and APE 1-2 times per month, and they all gave us exercises to use at home too. I have heard that the school district has to continue speech services for home schoolers, so I went to bed talking to Barry about all the pros/cons and praying. I woke up this morning and called the district office. Indeed, the state mandates districts to offer speech services for home schoolers, but none of the other therapies. So I called Barry and told him what I learned. He told me to go for it. M's only in preschool, so if it doesn't work out like we're hoping, we can always send him back for Kindergarten. And that's pretty much how it can go with any of the children. Friday is his last day in his County preschool program.

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We are not anti-public school. We are both products of the system, as well as our two oldest children. It has some great things to offer. However and unfortunately, California schools have been hit hard with budget cuts, and class sizes are looming around 35 students, even in Kindergarten. There are many other reasons, but again this post isn't to list all our 'why's.' The support we get from new and old friends experienced in homeschooling is amazing. More people homeschool than I realized, or than you might think. Not to mention fun field trips (like the one we just did last week with the Girl Scouts to a hands-on kids museum, and the one we're planning to the Kids' Science Museum). The world is our classroom, and the children are learning everywhere we go. G also likes knowing we are done with school HOURS before she would've gotten out at regular school, which frees up time to do fun activities together, like playing Life, play-dough, Lego's, reading more books, watching a movie, or going to the library or store (more ways to learn!) Additionally, there isn't any homework to take us away from family time in the evenings, and G is a chapter ahead of her class in math because she can keep going in the book when she wants (we are using the same math book).  

I am planning to homeschool all of them through high school graduation (the possibility for home schoolers to go to college is just as great as a public or private school graduate). Sports are offered through our community, and there are local homeschool co-ops that offer Spanish, French, Latin, art, chemistry, and band! So what are they really missing? I can't think of anything. But what are they gaining? A full day at home in a loving and secure atmosphere, in a "language-rich" environment (speech jargon), where they are free to be who they are without restrictions to sit still at a desk all day if they want to explore from a standing or jumping position (yes, I have one of those - actually two). They are free to ask as many questions as they want without "holding up" the institutionalized learning process, because frankly, their questions mean they are interested in something and that they will actually learn from the experience. 

Lastly, with #1's blessing, we have converted his bedroom to our new school room since he's living in Seattle and not planning to move home. We kept his bed in there for visits, and will be able to convert it back if his situation changes, but for now it's looking AWESOME, and the children all love it so much. We still have some work to do, but it's so enjoyable to be schooling in there.

Update on child #1

Fischer has been in Seattle for a month, and he just got a job! I guess that means he'll be staying there for sure now. He starts working at Game Stop this Friday (could that be any more perfect for him?!) I'm happy for him. No really, I am. I hope he enjoys his new job and can find lots of fun things to do in his spare time :-)

We all miss him like crazy around here, but it looks like we won't get a visit until after the retail holiday is over. I'd ask him to come home for a few days before then, but I want him to work hard and keep his job when Christmas is over. The life of an almost-adult! I just wish he lived closer.

Weight loss journey

After seeing pictures of myself at my oldest daughters' combined birthday party last December, I thought, "Wow, something has to change." I looked disgusting and miserable. I was tipping the scales between 205-210 on any given day, not the most I've ever weighed, but the most being non-pregnant/lactating. I don't even want to post that picture because of how bad I think I looked. I'll post it when I lose all my weight :)

Now, I've never been a small girl. I'm 5'4", and I weighed 155 in high school (size 10). I weighed 174 the day I had my first child, but was down to 145 when he was 9 months old... then I was 230 the day I had my youngest in 2009. I've always leaned on the excuse that I'm big-boned and have thick legs because I was built for sports. But here I was, 34 years old, wearing a women's size 18WIDE pants and looking frumpy. Drinking lots of soda, eating a lot of fattening foods (sweets, fast food almost daily, Mexican food, etc.). I had no motivation and no concern; I was just angry that I let myself get that big and out of hand.

On December 18, 2011, I decided to change my habits, yet AGAIN. I started eating healthier, cut soda completely, quit fast and fried food, and ordered a box of MediFast. Although I didn't tell anyone about the Medifast because I was embarrassed, I stuck to the program religiously (including healthy snacks and dinners) and lost 20 pounds in 6 weeks. I was even exercising again. Not bad! Then life got crazy in February, my routine changed drastically, and I started eating out again. My excuse was convenience, and my stress levels were so high that I honestly didn't even care about what I ate or how much. I would eat, eat, and eat some more. I'd eat it if it was in front of me, I'd order it even if I just ate 30 minutes ago. My weakness was Chick-fil-a, and since I drove right by it every day, that's what I ate... sometimes twice a day. I'd come home and eat some more. I'd raid the pantry and eat sweets, snacks, whatever. I'd drink 3-4 sodas a day (32 ounces)... sometimes diet, sometimes regular. When I was done eating at the end of the night, I was so angry at myself. I'd say, "Why do I keep doing this to myself? Why do I have no willpower? I feel like CRAP after I eat like that, so WHY WHY WHY???!!!" I don't blame anyone or anything, or even my circumstances, I just didn't care enough to fix myself.

So naturally, the 20 pounds crept back up and with a vengeance. Let me insert here that I've probably never really been "in shape". I exercised in high school because I had to, I played co-ed softball as an adult because it was fun, but I never really worked out until I turned 32. Then I started training for a half marathon, which I found an excuse not to complete of course (blamed it on hurting my tailbone when I fell down the stairs halfway through the training, even when I still could've WALKED it). However, during this training time I was fit... I lost a few pounds, and the day of my longest run (so far), I jogged an entire SEVEN (7) miles without stopping!!! I hiked a pretty intense trail (Mt. Baden-Powell, 9400 ft elevation) the week before that. Then the fall... then the weight... you know. Same 'ole, same 'ole. I've yo-yo'd my entire adult life. Trying this fad diet, and that fad diet. You name it, I've probably tried it.

I honestly don't know what day it was (around July 20th), but I just woke up and decided I'd had enough of my food addiction, this was IT! I was changing for good, and I needed to find a way to do it. I wasn't going to diet, I was going to change my whole lifestyle. I posted something on Facebook about needing to change my habits, and a good friend told me about what she had been doing. It was called "Vegan"... yeah right... me not eat meat?! HA! But I checked into it anyway.

Based on recommendations from a few friends, I watched the following documentaries: Forks Over Knives (highly recommend), Food, Inc., and Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead. I've read "Choose to Lose" by Chris Powell, "Eat to Live" by Dr. Joel Furhman, parts of "The China Study", and just finished reading "The Engine 2 Diet" by Rip Esselstyn.

Have I gone completely Vegan? No. Since July 29th (because that's when I started tracking my weight, exercise, and food), I have restricted my consumption of meat (chicken, fish, and eggs --oh I did have a burger ONCE) and dairy to about 1-2 times a week. The rest of the time I really have tried hard to incorporate a whole foods, plant-based diet. After watching the documentaries and reading the books I mentioned above, it all makes so much sense. A lot of you probably think I'm a whack-a-doo, but I really don't care. I'm taking care of my body and cleaning out the toxins.

As of today, I've lost 20 pounds! I accomplished my goal by today, which was awesome, and I know I'll keep reaching my goals because the fat and pounds just keep falling off. I walk or do some kind of heart-rate-increasing activity almost every day (usually at an incline), weights here and there, and I've lost 3 inches in my waist. I weighed about 204 when I started the new goals in July. Today I weigh 183.6, and I'm wearing a women's size 16, but regular not wide! Why am I giving you my numbers? Because I know this lifestyle is for the rest of my life, I know it works, and I know the numbers will keep decreasing. I have mini goals of 5 pounds at a time, but my final goal weight is 135. That's 48.4 more pounds! I don't care how long it takes, because I know I'll get there... but I really HOPE to reach this goal by the end of February.

When I talked to my grandpa about this a few weeks ago, he said, "That's the way to do it!" And I remembered that after his heart attack about 20 years ago, he reversed his heart disease by eating this way and avoided a double or triple bypass surgery! I had totally forgot about that. I'm sure he's probably not still eating like this, but the point is he knows it works and that motivated me even more.

In writing this post today, I'm making a new statement and a new goal. I taking the Engine 2 challenge, and I'm going 100% whole foods/plant-based foods for 28 days (this means no animal proteins including meat, eggs, and dairy) starting Monday. Since I've already been eating this way about 85% of the time for the past 6 weeks, I'm thinking it shouldn't bee too hard. Wish me luck!

17 1/2 years

Where does the time go? Seriously. The past 17 1/2 years have FLOWN by. Today I found a baby picture of the first little boy who stole my heart, and I couldn't hold back the tears. I will try to scan it in here later just to show you he really was a baby once :)

Fischer's 17th birthday

Fischer is (almost) all grown up and has an amazing opportunity to go see what life is like in Seattle, WA. Although he's not an official "adult" yet, he has finished high school, so the world is his oyster and I'm letting him go. I guess it's not really any different than sending your child off to college before they're 18. I am really grateful that he has an uncle who is willing to let him stay with him to see if Seattle is the place he wants to stay, or at least live for a little while. 

My insecurities are that I just "hope" that I've done enough as his mom. That I've taught him what he needs to know to be happy and successful in life. That he knows how wonderful and great he is, and that he can do ANYTHING he wants. And that he knows how much I love him. I think I have. I know that Fischer is so capable of anything he sets his heart and mind to. His nature is kind, giving, and big-hearted. He is so talented. He is so smart. He is EVERYTHING to me. And I will miss him terribly.

Fischer boards a flight to Seattle tomorrow (Thursday). None of us knows what lies waiting for him, except a loving uncle and friend, and a warm home. Opportunities for him are endless. And he is full of hope for his future. He is so excited to go and explore this new world. I pray for his safety and protection. I pray for his ability to feel comfortable in a new place. I pray he makes new friends quickly. I pray he finds what he is looking for in life. I pray that he never forgets I'm here for him always and that I would go to the moon and back to make his dreams come true. 

Sending your firstborn off is like cutting a piece of your heart away. I will always be his mom, and he will always be my son, but he is no longer my little boy. He is all grown up. A young man. Going off into the world to find his future. If I knew how hard this would be, I don't know if I would've had any more children (joking). I am so proud of Fischer. Of who he is now, who he's always been, and who he will become. Always proud. No matter what. I am truly the most blessed mother to have him as a son.

His young and tender life has not been easy in the least bit. But all the challenges, struggles, trials, and changes have helped mold him into who he is today. And he is wonderful. 

Until we meet again my most precious and loving boy! Be good to yourself. Be good to others. Keep your chin up. Keep smiling. Keep loving. Keep moving forward, and when you stumble, learn from the fall and GET BACK UP and start again. Life is full of ups and downs. Those moments make us who we are. Try not to regret, but only learn and move on. Never give up on your dreams. Never give up on yourself. Know how much you are loved by everyone around you. There are so many people who are here for you whenever you need them, especially me. I thank God every day that he made me your mother. You are truly a miracle. I love you.

Pictures from the send-off :(

Final hug for a while

Incidentally, Fischer was on the same flight as Joey and his friend (they were going to Idaho).

Life's happenings this summer

What a busy, but very fun summer! Mostly spending the days with the kiddos around the house, but we've done a little traveling around to hang out with and see wonderful friends :) Here are just a few pictures.

The seven dwarfs :) Camping trip with the Andersons to Big Bear.

The Moms with Livvy, Micah, and Misha (two other "orphans-no-more" from Micah's orphanage).

Marianne & Darya Fick (the inspirations for our adoption journey) :)

Another with Darya

The littles with two of the Meyer girls. Their mom, Mandy, is my childhood friend.

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I think I posted about Barry's job offering him to go with his job to Georgia back in May. We politely refused the offer and were so happy to stay here. But I've been an emotional wreck since then as the "Big Wigs" keep trying to get him to go, and are posting a promotion he wants to apply for, then he went there for two weeks to work. W e've gone back and forth THOUSANDS of times on what to do. And for now, I "think" we are still staying here. It is really what we want to do. Our lives are so wonderful since we bought our home and have settled very nicely into our new community. The schools are great, our home is HOME, we have a wonderful church family, and the greatest friends ever.

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Fischer has decided to go to Seattle, WA to visit or stay with his uncle. It's supposed to be a visit, but he really wants to plan on staying long term. He leaves September 6, after he comes home from a two-week cruise to Alaska with his grandmother. He is very excited to see what the next chapter holds for him. I, on the other hand, have realized that if I had never met Barry and had four more children,  I could quite possibly have been an empty nester at the age of 34. I don't want him to go, but the time has come (way too fast) to let him spread his wings and fly. I pray that he will be happy and safe. This part of parenthood is the pits.

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Gracie and Micah go back to school August 16th. We are all so ready for school to be back in session :) Gracie starts 1st grade, and Micah will be doing his final year of preschool.

Chloe is enrolled for Pre-K with her wonderful teacher, Miss Jessica. She was in her class for preschool last year, and will continue on to the bigger kids' class with her. I have been wishing that it was more than two half-days per week, since she is really ready to get into some good curriculum. It stinks that her birthday falls short of our state's deadline for entry to Kindergarten, because she is SOOOO ready.

I have been researching programs, and it looks like the only option will be to enroll her at a second preschool for two opposite days per week. It's a bummer that it can't be all at one location, but I'm excited about her going to the 2nd school (this is the same program that Gracie did a couple years ago). The preschool director through our school district said all the kids who come out of Miss Kathy's class are more than ready for Kindergarten. It will be a great program for Chloe, and she'll get the added benefit of learning about Bible stories in the process :)  So she'll be in Pre-K for four days per week starting September 4th!

**I could also start homeschooling her for Kindergarten once she turns 5, but I'm opting out of that idea for now**

That leaves Little Miss Annie. My sweetheart is turning 3 in just a few weeks. I have decided to keep her home for this coming school year, and wait to start her in preschool until she turns 4. The main reason for this is because her birthday will fall short of the state's Kindergarten deadline the year she turns 5 (in 2014/15 the child must turn 5 by September 1, 2014... her birthday is 3 days after that - go figure!) So that year, she will be enrolled in Transitional Kindergarten (another name for a public pre-k that is paid for by the wonderful State of California), then she will start Kindergarten in 2015. I have always felt that two years of preschool is plenty, so she gets to stay home with me this year (YEA!)

I didn't want my baby running off yet anyway, ha! I have no clue what I'll do when I'm home alone... other than the countless number of fun projects that have collected dust over the years. Yet I think I'll still be bored out of my mind without the noise of laughter and fighting :) I love my crazy children.

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I'll need to come back and add more to this post later. The kids are playing in the sink, wanting me to fix their tent, and asking for snacks, and for me to get off this thing... ha ha! How dare I try to write a blog while they're awake? Such a bad mommy. Now you see why I don't write very often. Off to mommy work!

High School Graduation? Already?!

My firstborn, Fischer Thomas Mollard, was born February 18, 1995. He started Kindergarten in August 2000. I always dreamed of the day he would graduate high school, but it was SO far away back then!

He received high marks throughout his school career, made a lot of great friends, and was a member of the Rattlesnake Regiment for the last two years of high school, where he marched Trombone, played bass guitar in Winter Guard, played Trombone in the orchestra, and played electric and bass guitars in the jazz band. I have been so proud of him each and every year, and have truly enjoyed watching him perform the past two years.

Here are some pictures of the past few years. All of his younger pictures are on photo paper and I'll have to scan them into the computer and add them later.

It really seems surreal that he has graduated high school and is moving on into "adulthood." Even though he's not 18 yet, he's making plans for his future. He'll be away for the summer, helping my dad with his business, then to a cruise with his grandma (his dad's mom) in August, then who knows what the future holds!

I love you Fischer, more than you'll ever know. I'm so very proud of the young man you've become and want the best for you always.

Love,
Mom

Micah's 1st American Birthday

This day was everything I had hoped it would be. We had a really good turnout of friends and family that came to help celebrate Micah's 4th birthday... his first American birthday... his first birthday party... EVER. I know young kids don't usually remember their birthdays, but the parents do.

When I got up this morning, I was cuddling with Micah and I thought, wow, this day was such a sad day four years ago. His parents anticipated that day for 9 months, and were saddened to see something different about him. Something they couldn't accept. Something that must've turned their world completely upside down, to say goodbye and leave the baby they wanted and loved so much, just because he had an extra chromosome. And for "Alosha"... to be abandoned at birth and taken to an orphanage to be cared for for three years by strangers. By people who rotated in and out every day, and to live the monotonous life of routine that never changed each day. To never know what true love was. 

Until a year ago. When we walked in and shook his little world up. What a wonderful miracle of love. Love from a Heavenly Father who called us to "GO!" We listened and never turned back. And look at Micah now.

This amazing, sweet, loving, friendly, fun little boy!

We did a Tonka truck theme, and Barry had the great idea of making "roads" for the table cloths and putting caution tape everywhere. It turned out so cute!

Food counter

Cake table

Gift table

Micah - 4 years old

Boy. (n). 1. noise with dirt on it. HA! 

I just love his face in this one.

When the HUGE crowd starting singing "happy birthday", and he squealed and clapped with sheer excitement, I lost it. Beautiful, booming voices, and Micah just laughing and squealing hysterically. I started bawling like a baby. A year ago today we were in Ukraine waiting for our daily visits to be authorized. I was so sad that we couldn't see him on his special day. And today, we were all together as a family, with loved ones around us to bring him more love than he's ever known. And TODAY marks the first of many more special days in his life, ones filled with family, friends, fun, and laughter. A tradition is born in this little boy's life.

The day was perfect. 

Wow!

Four months since my last post? Sorry!!!

This will be a quick one with quick thoughts (HA! Quick turned into another book). I promise to update soon with lots of pictures.

We thought this year would be a quiet one since there were no big plans... you know since we bought a house and adopted Micah last year :)  While I can't really complain too much, there have been A LOT of unexpected events... big unexpected events.  This has definitely been a year of tests for our family. I'll just post the last few weeks since they are fresh in my mind. Notice the "WHAT?!" comments in each section.

Friday, May 4th, my friend Christina and I set off for a girl's weekend away at Time Out For Women. We were so very excited for the break. We had a great drive to Long Beach, enjoyed lunch at Bubba Gump's, then walked around the pier a while. We checked in the hotel, went to the first night of conference, then back to our rooms to chat the night away :)  Well, that was until I got a call around 10:00pm that Barry was in the ER. WHAT?! (Yes, let me insert here that we got a horse the week before... oh and that we hadn't started our lessons yet and didn't really know how to properly saddle him).  So you can guess what happened. The saddle slipped and Barry fell off, hurting his back. He assured me I didn't need to return, that he'd be fine. I called Fischer to confirm that all was well and he said, "NO MOM! Don't come home. You're there for a reason."  Sweet boy!

Saturday, May 5th. Christina and I headed home after conference was over and took our time getting home :) It was such a nice weekend away. Then I walked in the front door, lol.  My children had decided they were human cyclones and had completely DESTROYED the entire house. There was no floor to be seen in any room. I'm pretty sure the bathroom was flooded from Micah's enjoyment in the water more than once. Dishes... piles... oh.my.head. Can I go back to Long Beach?  Barry was hurting badly, but the ER doc only gave him a muscle relaxer and Ibuprofen for pain. He refused to do X-rays because "If you have a broken rib, there's nothing we can do about it." How about knowledge to take it easier and real pain meds? WHAT?! If I had been there...

Saturday, May 12th. The family went to Nick's (Fischer best friend) graduation party, then to a Maverick's game (local baseball team). Before the game, we went to Denny's. We walked in, took the girls to the bathroom, and as I was walking to sit at our assigned table, my phone rang. It was my brother, Adam. Now let me tell you that my brother only calls when there's big news (not that he doesn't want to, but we're all so very busy and Facebook seems to be the easiest way to keep in touch. Other than making plans for Easter the month before, I honestly think the last time he called me (without returning a call) was to tell me Amanda was pregnant with Emily (she's 3) :) So I thought, "Oh, Amanda must be pregnant again, lol..." HAHAHA, really... I answered the phone and his voice was grim, "Mom wanted me to call and tell you Dad's in the hospital. They think he had a stroke. I'm on my way there now and will call you as soon as we know what's going on."

WHAT?!!!!!!!!! I lost all feeling. My dad is a powerhouse. He's 54, in relatively decent health (aside from controllable diabetes and slightly high blood pressure). He owns his own business and is on call 24/7. Thoughts flooded my mind and worse-case-scenarios kept creeping in. MY DAD?! Not possible. So I prepared to make the 6 hour drive ASAP if needed. Adam told me not to come yet. So I tried to eat a bowl of soup and tried to keep my mind from racing. We went to the game, had some issues with the children there, left early and went home. I was stressed. Fischer was stressed. I want to leave right then! But I waited. Adam kept me informed via text, and it seems the tests were all coming back normal and with good results. I went to bed.

At 11:00pm, Adam called and updated me. His voice was still grim, which wasn't what I expected based on the texts. Even though the tests showed no bleeding in the brain, he still might've had a stroke from a blood clot. Dad was being transported to a bay area hospital with a neurologist, because stupid Emanuel in Turlock doesn't have their crap together (after 6 hours of waiting). Mom is crying and beside herself. Dad doesn't look bad, but not good either. Adam is taking Mom to see him in the morning (2 hours away). So I called my mom and left a message, then called her again at midnight. She had been alone for the first time all evening, and she had been crying hard. She was so worried. I woke Fischer up, and we drove to Turlock at 1am on Mother's Day while Barry stayed home with the Littles. We met up with Adam and my mom and we drove to Castro Valley. 9am--- got to elevator and Dad happened to be being wheeled in for his MRI. The left side of his face was droopy. Not good.

Over the next few days/week, my parents were told several different things. 1) Neurologist at hospital said it wasn't a mini-stroke, just the diabetes going out of control and causing all the problems. 2) His family doctor said it wasn't the diabetes; he was his doctor's best diabetes patient. Something attacked his nervous system and there was a list of possibilities, but nothing for sure. He was referred to a different neurologist. 3) 2nd neurologist said it was a mini-stroke from a pin-size clot and it couldn't be seen on the MRI (happens once in a while).  Why didn't the first doctor think of that? Because it doesn't happen very often and you can't see them. HMMMM.... WHAT?!!!!

So basically, Dad feels no pain, hot, or cold on the entire right side of his body (from head to toes). He can feel touch and pressure, but nothing else. The left side of his face is looking better and he can actually whistle again (try whistling with a crooked mouth). He has been working as much as he can, but tires really easily, and Adam has been helping him after his work hours. The men in my family are exhausted and they need your prayers! Fischer is getting ready to go up for a few weeks and help out where he can.

Wednesday, May 16th.  Barry's employer (USMC) informed him that his job is being moved to Albany, GA. They offered him a job transfer with a paid move. He had 7 days to decide whether or not to go. WHAT?!!!!! Please stop the insanity! We seriously considered all our options of staying or going, and in the end we decided to stay here. I'll elaborate on that another post. It's all good now, but talk about days of prayer and stress! (Side note: Barry went to the chiropractor and although his X-ray machine isn't the same as hospital's ... I guess it's not meant to check for bone breaks... he thought Barry had a cracked rib in two places. STUPID ER DOCS!) So that's why the muscle relaxers weren't working... it's a bone, not a muscle!

Wednesday, May 23rd. Micah's IEP (Individualized Education Plan). This is a process that children go through when they need special services in school or accommodations for their learning. It's done at least annually, but can be done more often at a parent or teacher request. When Micah started in the school system last Fall, we had an initial IEP in October with the school district, but it was so basic and quick. He was referred to the county program and for SLP (Speech, Language, Pathology), and he started preschool without another one. We just signed papers, added addendums for all his therapies (OT, PT, APE) --all of which were recommended by the teacher before I could ever ask (that's great!), signed more papers, etc. So I asked for a new IEP before the end of the year. Each person went through their list of data and goals for Micah and it went great! He has made HUGE strides in 6 months of school, only 3 months of those with OT, PT, and APE. The therapists were wonderful! (We had never met them!) They told us things we can do at home to help improve areas of weakness, and it was so encouraging to hear their information and enthusiasm. We also accomplished our hopes of making sure Micah could attend summer school. After having our first "real" IEP, I'm not unsure of the process anymore. It went much better than I thought it would, and I'll be even more organized next year :)

Later in the day... Barry had gone to our family doctor in the morning because his back was still killing him; he took a bunch of X-rays, and the doctor was calling back with the results. Compressed fracture of the T12 vertebrae. WHAT???!!!! Oh.my.word. He's being referred to a spinal surgeon. WHAT?! I'm flipping out! We're trying not to think the worst, but how can you not? We're going to try and just sit tight until we know more. But get this, even with Barry telling him he had a cracked rib... he only gave him Ibuprofen and a muscle relaxer. What is with these doctors?

So that's our May in a nutshell.

School (again)

I know, I know. I've been on a writing binge the past couple days. There is so much I have to write about, and I still haven't even started my Christmas day blog. I love writing; I always have and probably always will. I have never been one to be short on words, so this helps me get it all out without driving Barry or my friends totally crazy :) If you are reading this, apparently you don't mind my long posts ;)

So school...

It seems like I have been going forever. Well, really I have. College has been off and on since 1995, mostly off until 2008. My first college class as an adult was in the Summer of 2008. I have changed my plans on what degree to obtain about four times since then. After talking to my academic advisor yesterday and deciding which classes to take next, I evaluated my degree plan and realized I AM ALMOST DONE!!! That gave me a huge boost to keep going.

I love learning, but sometimes I really hate school. It takes time away from my family, and as much as I want to reach my lifelong goal, I think sometimes, "Why am I doing this? I most likely will never use it." I often want to quit just because it is such a pain sometimes. Then I remind myself that it is a privilege to be able to go at all, and it will be a huge accomplishment when I am finished. And I may have to fall back on it someday, so I'm setting myself up for success if that happens.

Since 2008, my degree plans have gone from Nursing to Psychology to CJ w/emphasis in Forensic Psychology to CJ w/emphasis in CSI, and now just Criminal Justice with no emphasis. The last one was a computer error when they revamped the degree plan online and they left off my emphasis. However, I am leaving it alone because I really don't want to take some of the classes that were required for CSI; I just hadn't changed it because there had already been too many changes.

Now I am planning out the next year. I only have 10 classes left, and I should be graduating in April 2013 if I take 1-2 classes per term like I have been. It is surreal to be saying that. I only have two major requirements left and the rest are electives. The classes are really hard sometimes, and online learning is NOT the easy way out like some people think. I've done both traditional and online, and there are times when online is much harder. Not the physical part of getting to and from school, finding parking spaces, finding child care, etc. But the learning part can be tough. There is a lot required, and because the terms are only 10 weeks we are packing a lot of material into a shorter amount of time. I don't consider it cramming, but it can put a toll on the study times and workloads for sure.

I am SO BLESSED to have a husband who supports me in school. He helps with the kids when I need to get away and lock my door. He doesn't complain and is so encouraging. And in the end, he'll be paying for it when the student loans kick in, so I better be grateful :) When I have been at my low moments and wanting to quit, he keeps me going and tells me it will all be worth it someday. And other things like, "You've come this far. Quitting now will make all that hard work worth nothing." It's true. Thank you, Barry!

Girl Scouts

When I was little (I think maybe 5), I went to some Brownie meetings with a neighbor friend; at least that's what I remember.

I spent Fischer's youth taking him to all the Boy Scout meetings I could... it was so much fun. My dad helped him make his wooden cars, he had his uniform and earned patches, all the fun stuff. I love Scouts! I was sad when he didn't want to do it anymore as he became a teenager. I laugh and say sometimes I wish I was a boy so I could do all that fun!!! The leaders get to have fun too... going on camping and hiking trips, high adventure fun, etc. But alas, I'm a girl.

...

Gracie is 6 and in Kindergarten, and she desperately needed something to do. She is so against change of any kind, is super shy in new situations, and will flat out refuse to do things even after we sign her up. Every kid is different, but she's in left field. I love my daughter immensely, but none of the other kids do anything like what she does. We tried dance. We tried soccer. We tried gymnastics. I just kind of gave up on her doing anything extra-curricular. So when she asked about Girl Scouts, I was skeptical but optimistic at the same time. "PLEASE LORD!"

Her first meeting was last night, and she shut down in typical Gracie style. The leader asked her what her name was and she put her head down and wouldn't answer any questions. Great. Just as suspected. But a funny thing happened: the leader started playing "getting to know you" games and icebreakers. She wouldn't do the pass-the-ball-and-tell-me-your-name-and-something-you're-good-at game. But when they stood up in their circle and connected hands and put a hula-hoop on their arms, then tried to move it over one person to the next without it touching the ground, she started busting a gut. OMGOSH... amazing! :) She was laughing so hard when one of the leaders got stuck and couldn't move her legs through the hula-hoop and move it over her body. (The hula hoops were kid size!) :)

She participated with excitement, but as I watched her, a lightbulb went off in my head about my sweet Gracie. Her poor face was filled with so much anxiety over who was watching her and if she did good enough. I could almost see her heart beating. And I saw the "I'm gonna run away and cry in a minute" look. I prayed, "No, please let her finish and be happy and move on." She worries what people think. She doesn't like being in the spotlight. She laughs at others' funny moments, but doesn't want anyone laughing at her. She wants to be accepted and doesn't handle rejection well, so she just refuses to do anything that might create that opportunity. Kinda like stage fright, but with everything in life. I almost sobbed. I finally get her after 6 years. She is strong-willed, and she is stubborn. But she's also afraid, to the point where it paralyzes her sometimes. Big Mommy moment.

I pretended to be busy with the other moms, and even got to be for a few minutes, so she didn't know I was watching her. She moved from beginning activities to group activities with the Daisies and she warmed right up to the girls and the leader. She loved doing the activity (making willow tree plants), and listened to the girl who was reading out of their book out loud. She was running, laughing, and playing and so very happy. When it was time to go an hour and a half later, she cried because she didn't want to go. She wanted to stay! So I reassured her we'd be back at the next meeting in two weeks, and that we'd get all her uniform gear and books before then.

On the way to the car, she told me about their "Goodnight Girl Scouts" handshake and then showed it to me and Barry when we got home. She was filled with so much excitement.

I am so glad she likes it. I am so glad she wants to go back. And I'm so glad she broke out of her shell after only about 5 minutes. That is the Gracie we all know all the time :)

My daughter is a Girl Scout! YIPPEE... now we can do fun things too... even if we're girls ;)

Walker? Jogger? Runner?

I am by no means a fast runner. I ran a 12 min mile in high school and that was pushing it. I hated running. With a passion.

After I turned 30, I got a wild hair to run a half marathon. Me. Yup, crazy. This was right after Chloe was born in 2007, and then of course we had Annie in 2009. Finally, in March 2010, I started training for my first half marathon. When I started, I was lucky to jog/walk a mile in 17-18 minutes. By July 2010, I was running up to 7 miles (non...stop!) and could run a 12 min mile again! I felt great! Only two months until my half.

Then I fell down my stairs. My wooden stairs. Go ahead and laugh, but I bruised my tailbone so badly that my chiropractor said to rest for 3-4 weeks. Do you know what that does to a trainer's schedule? That was equivalent to about 60 miles. It was catastrophic. I could have picked up and taken it slow. I could have walk/jogged my half marathon instead of running the whole thing. But you know what I did?

I gave up. I didn't go. I didn't even try. I stopped running. I stopped walking. I gained weight (a lot). I was hard on myself, down and depressed. But I had excuses! I hurt myself. I was going to be traveling for the summer. Blah, blah, blah.

In December 2011 (right before Christmas) I had had it. Forget this mess! Get up and do something about it! Quit whining!

My first walk/jog in December was 16 minutes. Yesterday, my run/super fast walk mile was 14 minutes. Already. In less than a month. That is hecka cool. Think I can cut off another 2 minutes? You betcha! And more? I'll try! Training for a half marathon again? Some day. Sore today? You know it!

Go out there and capture your dreams!!

First tooth!

I am a HORRIBLE mom, well at least a horrible blogger. I cannot believe I didn't blog this when it happened.

As most of you know, Gracie has been missing her top two front teeth since she was 2 1/2 (she ran into a door and one popped out, then the other turned black and fell out a few months later). We got used to the toothless smile over time and didn't even really notice it anymore. I often wonder what she will look like when she gets those teeth back since it's been 3 1/2 years :)

One our way back from getting Fischer in Bakersfield on December 21st, about a week after Gracie had been complaining about a loose bottom tooth, that sucker popped right out when she accidentally nudged it with her knee. We were on Hwy 58 East of Mojave, but nowhere near anything. She was bleeding and screaming in true Gracie style. Luckily a truck stop was coming up and we were able to stop and take care of the dire emergency. People were looking at me holding this almost-6-yr-old, while she was screaming uncontrollably and blood was barely seeping from her mouth, like I hit her or something. I smiled and explained she lost a tooth. Like they care. Like I'll ever see them again.

Within a few minutes, okay more like 20, and after talking to her dear Daddy, she finally calmed down. We put the tooth in the tooth fairy pillow Nana made her, and she got a WHOPPING $1!!! When did the tooth fairy give raises? I liked the 25 cent idea myself. But all the tooth fairy had was $1 apparently (so I was told).

So, she officially "LOST" her first tooth! Right before her 6th birthday. And then I remembered, she cut her first two teeth the day before her 1st birthday. That was fun too (being sarcastic if you can't tell).

6 months!

As you can see, I still have yet to post the Christmas Day blog, but I just realized I also failed to blog that Micah has been home SIX months (on January 6). I wasn't sure whether to celebrate from his adoption date (June 21) or from the day we came back to U.S. soil and into our home (July 6). And gotcha day wasn't until July 1st I think... anyway, he's been "home" with our family since July 6, 2011. Happy half-"birthday" little man! Sorry mama's so far behind.