Weight loss journey

After seeing pictures of myself at my oldest daughters' combined birthday party last December, I thought, "Wow, something has to change." I looked disgusting and miserable. I was tipping the scales between 205-210 on any given day, not the most I've ever weighed, but the most being non-pregnant/lactating. I don't even want to post that picture because of how bad I think I looked. I'll post it when I lose all my weight :)

Now, I've never been a small girl. I'm 5'4", and I weighed 155 in high school (size 10). I weighed 174 the day I had my first child, but was down to 145 when he was 9 months old... then I was 230 the day I had my youngest in 2009. I've always leaned on the excuse that I'm big-boned and have thick legs because I was built for sports. But here I was, 34 years old, wearing a women's size 18WIDE pants and looking frumpy. Drinking lots of soda, eating a lot of fattening foods (sweets, fast food almost daily, Mexican food, etc.). I had no motivation and no concern; I was just angry that I let myself get that big and out of hand.

On December 18, 2011, I decided to change my habits, yet AGAIN. I started eating healthier, cut soda completely, quit fast and fried food, and ordered a box of MediFast. Although I didn't tell anyone about the Medifast because I was embarrassed, I stuck to the program religiously (including healthy snacks and dinners) and lost 20 pounds in 6 weeks. I was even exercising again. Not bad! Then life got crazy in February, my routine changed drastically, and I started eating out again. My excuse was convenience, and my stress levels were so high that I honestly didn't even care about what I ate or how much. I would eat, eat, and eat some more. I'd eat it if it was in front of me, I'd order it even if I just ate 30 minutes ago. My weakness was Chick-fil-a, and since I drove right by it every day, that's what I ate... sometimes twice a day. I'd come home and eat some more. I'd raid the pantry and eat sweets, snacks, whatever. I'd drink 3-4 sodas a day (32 ounces)... sometimes diet, sometimes regular. When I was done eating at the end of the night, I was so angry at myself. I'd say, "Why do I keep doing this to myself? Why do I have no willpower? I feel like CRAP after I eat like that, so WHY WHY WHY???!!!" I don't blame anyone or anything, or even my circumstances, I just didn't care enough to fix myself.

So naturally, the 20 pounds crept back up and with a vengeance. Let me insert here that I've probably never really been "in shape". I exercised in high school because I had to, I played co-ed softball as an adult because it was fun, but I never really worked out until I turned 32. Then I started training for a half marathon, which I found an excuse not to complete of course (blamed it on hurting my tailbone when I fell down the stairs halfway through the training, even when I still could've WALKED it). However, during this training time I was fit... I lost a few pounds, and the day of my longest run (so far), I jogged an entire SEVEN (7) miles without stopping!!! I hiked a pretty intense trail (Mt. Baden-Powell, 9400 ft elevation) the week before that. Then the fall... then the weight... you know. Same 'ole, same 'ole. I've yo-yo'd my entire adult life. Trying this fad diet, and that fad diet. You name it, I've probably tried it.

I honestly don't know what day it was (around July 20th), but I just woke up and decided I'd had enough of my food addiction, this was IT! I was changing for good, and I needed to find a way to do it. I wasn't going to diet, I was going to change my whole lifestyle. I posted something on Facebook about needing to change my habits, and a good friend told me about what she had been doing. It was called "Vegan"... yeah right... me not eat meat?! HA! But I checked into it anyway.

Based on recommendations from a few friends, I watched the following documentaries: Forks Over Knives (highly recommend), Food, Inc., and Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead. I've read "Choose to Lose" by Chris Powell, "Eat to Live" by Dr. Joel Furhman, parts of "The China Study", and just finished reading "The Engine 2 Diet" by Rip Esselstyn.

Have I gone completely Vegan? No. Since July 29th (because that's when I started tracking my weight, exercise, and food), I have restricted my consumption of meat (chicken, fish, and eggs --oh I did have a burger ONCE) and dairy to about 1-2 times a week. The rest of the time I really have tried hard to incorporate a whole foods, plant-based diet. After watching the documentaries and reading the books I mentioned above, it all makes so much sense. A lot of you probably think I'm a whack-a-doo, but I really don't care. I'm taking care of my body and cleaning out the toxins.

As of today, I've lost 20 pounds! I accomplished my goal by today, which was awesome, and I know I'll keep reaching my goals because the fat and pounds just keep falling off. I walk or do some kind of heart-rate-increasing activity almost every day (usually at an incline), weights here and there, and I've lost 3 inches in my waist. I weighed about 204 when I started the new goals in July. Today I weigh 183.6, and I'm wearing a women's size 16, but regular not wide! Why am I giving you my numbers? Because I know this lifestyle is for the rest of my life, I know it works, and I know the numbers will keep decreasing. I have mini goals of 5 pounds at a time, but my final goal weight is 135. That's 48.4 more pounds! I don't care how long it takes, because I know I'll get there... but I really HOPE to reach this goal by the end of February.

When I talked to my grandpa about this a few weeks ago, he said, "That's the way to do it!" And I remembered that after his heart attack about 20 years ago, he reversed his heart disease by eating this way and avoided a double or triple bypass surgery! I had totally forgot about that. I'm sure he's probably not still eating like this, but the point is he knows it works and that motivated me even more.

In writing this post today, I'm making a new statement and a new goal. I taking the Engine 2 challenge, and I'm going 100% whole foods/plant-based foods for 28 days (this means no animal proteins including meat, eggs, and dairy) starting Monday. Since I've already been eating this way about 85% of the time for the past 6 weeks, I'm thinking it shouldn't bee too hard. Wish me luck!

17 1/2 years

Where does the time go? Seriously. The past 17 1/2 years have FLOWN by. Today I found a baby picture of the first little boy who stole my heart, and I couldn't hold back the tears. I will try to scan it in here later just to show you he really was a baby once :)

Fischer's 17th birthday

Fischer is (almost) all grown up and has an amazing opportunity to go see what life is like in Seattle, WA. Although he's not an official "adult" yet, he has finished high school, so the world is his oyster and I'm letting him go. I guess it's not really any different than sending your child off to college before they're 18. I am really grateful that he has an uncle who is willing to let him stay with him to see if Seattle is the place he wants to stay, or at least live for a little while. 

My insecurities are that I just "hope" that I've done enough as his mom. That I've taught him what he needs to know to be happy and successful in life. That he knows how wonderful and great he is, and that he can do ANYTHING he wants. And that he knows how much I love him. I think I have. I know that Fischer is so capable of anything he sets his heart and mind to. His nature is kind, giving, and big-hearted. He is so talented. He is so smart. He is EVERYTHING to me. And I will miss him terribly.

Fischer boards a flight to Seattle tomorrow (Thursday). None of us knows what lies waiting for him, except a loving uncle and friend, and a warm home. Opportunities for him are endless. And he is full of hope for his future. He is so excited to go and explore this new world. I pray for his safety and protection. I pray for his ability to feel comfortable in a new place. I pray he makes new friends quickly. I pray he finds what he is looking for in life. I pray that he never forgets I'm here for him always and that I would go to the moon and back to make his dreams come true. 

Sending your firstborn off is like cutting a piece of your heart away. I will always be his mom, and he will always be my son, but he is no longer my little boy. He is all grown up. A young man. Going off into the world to find his future. If I knew how hard this would be, I don't know if I would've had any more children (joking). I am so proud of Fischer. Of who he is now, who he's always been, and who he will become. Always proud. No matter what. I am truly the most blessed mother to have him as a son.

His young and tender life has not been easy in the least bit. But all the challenges, struggles, trials, and changes have helped mold him into who he is today. And he is wonderful. 

Until we meet again my most precious and loving boy! Be good to yourself. Be good to others. Keep your chin up. Keep smiling. Keep loving. Keep moving forward, and when you stumble, learn from the fall and GET BACK UP and start again. Life is full of ups and downs. Those moments make us who we are. Try not to regret, but only learn and move on. Never give up on your dreams. Never give up on yourself. Know how much you are loved by everyone around you. There are so many people who are here for you whenever you need them, especially me. I thank God every day that he made me your mother. You are truly a miracle. I love you.

Pictures from the send-off :(

Final hug for a while

Incidentally, Fischer was on the same flight as Joey and his friend (they were going to Idaho).