17 1/2 years

Where does the time go? Seriously. The past 17 1/2 years have FLOWN by. Today I found a baby picture of the first little boy who stole my heart, and I couldn't hold back the tears. I will try to scan it in here later just to show you he really was a baby once :)

Fischer's 17th birthday

Fischer is (almost) all grown up and has an amazing opportunity to go see what life is like in Seattle, WA. Although he's not an official "adult" yet, he has finished high school, so the world is his oyster and I'm letting him go. I guess it's not really any different than sending your child off to college before they're 18. I am really grateful that he has an uncle who is willing to let him stay with him to see if Seattle is the place he wants to stay, or at least live for a little while. 

My insecurities are that I just "hope" that I've done enough as his mom. That I've taught him what he needs to know to be happy and successful in life. That he knows how wonderful and great he is, and that he can do ANYTHING he wants. And that he knows how much I love him. I think I have. I know that Fischer is so capable of anything he sets his heart and mind to. His nature is kind, giving, and big-hearted. He is so talented. He is so smart. He is EVERYTHING to me. And I will miss him terribly.

Fischer boards a flight to Seattle tomorrow (Thursday). None of us knows what lies waiting for him, except a loving uncle and friend, and a warm home. Opportunities for him are endless. And he is full of hope for his future. He is so excited to go and explore this new world. I pray for his safety and protection. I pray for his ability to feel comfortable in a new place. I pray he makes new friends quickly. I pray he finds what he is looking for in life. I pray that he never forgets I'm here for him always and that I would go to the moon and back to make his dreams come true. 

Sending your firstborn off is like cutting a piece of your heart away. I will always be his mom, and he will always be my son, but he is no longer my little boy. He is all grown up. A young man. Going off into the world to find his future. If I knew how hard this would be, I don't know if I would've had any more children (joking). I am so proud of Fischer. Of who he is now, who he's always been, and who he will become. Always proud. No matter what. I am truly the most blessed mother to have him as a son.

His young and tender life has not been easy in the least bit. But all the challenges, struggles, trials, and changes have helped mold him into who he is today. And he is wonderful. 

Until we meet again my most precious and loving boy! Be good to yourself. Be good to others. Keep your chin up. Keep smiling. Keep loving. Keep moving forward, and when you stumble, learn from the fall and GET BACK UP and start again. Life is full of ups and downs. Those moments make us who we are. Try not to regret, but only learn and move on. Never give up on your dreams. Never give up on yourself. Know how much you are loved by everyone around you. There are so many people who are here for you whenever you need them, especially me. I thank God every day that he made me your mother. You are truly a miracle. I love you.

Pictures from the send-off :(

Final hug for a while

Incidentally, Fischer was on the same flight as Joey and his friend (they were going to Idaho).